I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
