Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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