there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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