I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
