We're facebook friends in real life
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
