Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
