Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize