My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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