I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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