So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
