You work out of a Hotel?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
