Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
