Please, let me fuck your mom
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
