You can't motorboat a personality
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
