Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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