Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
