Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
