If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize