i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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