I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize