i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
