hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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