Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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