Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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