dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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