I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
