the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
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I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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