i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
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I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
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The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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