I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
