my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
soo... how was my night?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize