I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
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