so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
