I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
