just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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