You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
