but the lizard people decide everything anyway
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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