3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
BRING THE BAGELS
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
