Fine. I'll sleep in my office
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
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