i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
