I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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