ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize