Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
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Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
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I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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