Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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