drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
