It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
