i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
