I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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