Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
