Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
