Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
