My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
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Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
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I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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