Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
