The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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