Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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