The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I lost the right to judge tonight
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
