the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Randomize
