yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize